In February 2013 I turned the big 40! Leading up to my birthday I felt fine, life was going along normally and I didn’t have an issue with turning forty. In the week before my birthday I reflected on my childhood memories of my own mother turning 40. I was 12 at the time, and my two memories of her party were of her wearing one of her birthday presents – a strand of beautiful ruby red beads over a white sweater and helping my older brother behind the makeshift bar to serve drinks.
As a child of course I thought of my mother as being mature, together, and successful in her career and a very capable, strong woman.
How times have changed since then. The majority of women are having kids later in life – my own children won’t have any memory of my 40th. My son was four and daughter two at the time.
So, I had a lovely lunch with my family and friends and life returned to normal. Or did it! As February turned into March I started to feel lost. I didn’t have my usual swagger, instead I felt disconnected from my old life. The kids became my sole focus instead of my husband, friends and business etc.
Drop offs and pickups from pre school and childcare; swimming lessons; playgroup etc. I wasn’t communicating effectively with my husband, I wasn’t calling friends and as for my business – well nothing happened because I wasn’t investing anytime or effort into developing it.
This pattern of behaviour continued throughout 2013 up until October when something changed. I somehow regained my confidence – I was interested in life again – the life that I wanted to I had been living for the last nine months.
I realised around my birthday that I was comparing the way I was feeling – immature, unconfident, unsure of my direction, bored and lonely to now I perceived my mother feeling when she turned 40. I remember asking Mum if she remembered how she was feeling when she turned 40 but she couldn’t recall. I decided to document my feelings in case my daughter was ever interested.
Come November my mojo returned. My confidence was back – I was contacting friends to organise catch ups, my husband and I went on a date, I was planning Christmas and I was interested in working on my business again. Since then life has been great, I am so motivated in all aspects of my life, both personal and professional. 2014 is going to be a fab year, and as Austin Powers says Yeah Baby!